Thursday, October 22, 2009

On wifery

In slowly (ever so slowly) catching up on reading my favorite blogs, I just stumbled on Meg's post reclaiming the word wife. This brings up so many different things for me. Some of which will be in my next post.

Of all the words associated with marriage "wife" seems to be the only one so loaded with unfortunate connotations. We made the leap and in that ceremonial moment we both felt something bigger than anything we had ever felt before. As my fiance, he meant so much more to me than table settings and white dresses, and as my husband he means so much more to me than pillows and cooking and popping out 2.5 kids. But thats not what gets discussed. We still have to fight to define who we are on our own terms. Before my wedding and now after as a newlywed, those in unhappy marriages or those that have gotten divorced want so desperately to lay their personal experiences on me like a big "you just wait until your marriage sucks as bad as mine." Of course the first thing that comes to my mind then is "well I wouldn't have married you either!" We all define wife and marriage in the same way we define ourselves. It's always difficult to tear off the stereotypes no matter what they are. And right now, we are newlywed wives, eager to define marriage according to our own terms. And I am happy to do so.

1 comment :

  1. thanks for your comment sera! It is hard when people try to put their experiences on you, esp. their bad ones. Not to mention how hard it is that with one little word people think you are suddenly supposed to turn into a stereotypical woman from the 50's :)

    Congrats on getting married and I hope you truly enjoy being a wife! Hope you have a great weekend and good luck!

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