On wifery

In slowly (ever so slowly) catching up on reading my favorite blogs, I just stumbled on Meg's post reclaiming the word wife. This brings up so many different things for me. Some of which will be in my next post.

Of all the words associated with marriage "wife" seems to be the only one so loaded with unfortunate connotations. We made the leap and in that ceremonial moment we both felt something bigger than anything we had ever felt before. As my fiance, he meant so much more to me than table settings and white dresses, and as my husband he means so much more to me than pillows and cooking and popping out 2.5 kids. But thats not what gets discussed. We still have to fight to define who we are on our own terms. Before my wedding and now after as a newlywed, those in unhappy marriages or those that have gotten divorced want so desperately to lay their personal experiences on me like a big "you just wait until your marriage sucks as bad as mine." Of course the first thing that comes to my mind then is "well I wouldn't have married you either!" We all define wife and marriage in the same way we define ourselves. It's always difficult to tear off the stereotypes no matter what they are. And right now, we are newlywed wives, eager to define marriage according to our own terms. And I am happy to do so.

last night I dreamt somebody loved me...

and it was true.

last night G told me that he was driving to work in the morning thinking I should have married her a long time ago. He said, "I just thought you should know."

okay. you wanted to see the dress, here's a shot of the back. it's just so darn hard to pick the best pictures out of 1000. more of the dress to come.

{photo by Katherine Krogstad, our lovely photographer}

I know, I know. I haven't given you all what you really want - the pics of the dress. But I received something like 900 digital photos. Typical me, I'm having trouble deciding on what to show you.

So instead, because I just read meg's love song to one love photo I'm posting one of Heather and Jon's lovely pics. How gorgeous is Jennifer's not quite white dress?

{image: one love photo}

anniversary

Yesterday was our one month anniversary. which, given the eight years we were together before our engagement, one month doesn't seem like such a big deal. except, that we have been married for one month! I have actually had a few circumstances where I have called him my husband. And I get to look down at this pretty ring every day.

This last month has not been monumental, but it has been a bit chaotic. after the wedding, I went back to work for a few days. we didn't leave for our honeymoon on Kauai'i until ten days after. then we were there, which was wonderful and filled with sun and surf and sand. and then we came home. and my first week back at work was interrupted by two dentist appointments, the arrival of our wedding photos and a costumed cyclo-cross bicycle race (I was Dorothy from the wizard of Oz - more on that later) and did I mention that it has been cold in our fair Seattle? We are officially back to the grind. Yes.

Here we are. But we are married.

And it feels different. and fantastic. but has it really been a whole month? wow.

{image: katherine krogstad our lovely photographer}

first

I am deliriously happy to come home to my husband (eep!). I'm smiling all of the time.

We suddenly began having real husband-and-wife conversations. While we both knew we had this commitment on the plate, nothing made it so real as when it actually happened. When we stood up in front of everyone and said "I do." Now we talk about "us" a little more. We are a family now. We are "we."

it's done!

the dress.

is done.

and I have two days left.

two days until the wedding.

two days left to stare at it, questioning it, analyzing it.

that is,

unless I put the garment bag over the dress so that I can't see it anymore.

but I just don't want to do that yet.

I want to look at my work and admire it just a little more, because once I slip it on, on this lovely Sunday, I won't be able to see the back that I worked so hard on. but let me tell you, all those luscious layers of silk feel very nice rustling around me. And even though I got distracted and didn't work out like I wanted to or felt like I should, I lost four pounds and the dress feels absolutely fantastic. lovely and amazing fantastic.

nine hours of pintucking.

and at least 24 hours of hand stitching layers and layers of silk chiffon.

and countless hours of contemplating and sorting in my head.

and it's done.

it's done it's done it's done!

I wish I knew how to do the ruffle action on that dress, and knew how ages ago before I started my dress. But.. tick tock. I spent the weekend (thursday night through monday including the seven plus hour drive each way) in Penticton, Canada for IronMan Canada. Now my man can count having done an IronMan among his many accomplishments. And while I'm proud of him, I am much happier that the deed is done and we can spend the next two weeks focused on the wedding. 12 days to go!!! and my absense left me with no ability to do wedding things. I wasn't even sure I'd have internet access so I couldn't even be productive in email.

However, today I met with one of the coordinators at my venue to go over some details on my lunch break. check.

AV equipment including speakers, a mixer and a mic to use with our ipod/laptop playlist secured - check.

I added on non-alcoholic beverages so that I don't have to deal with that too - check.

We talked flowers and colors and she reassured me.

And she told me she has an exciting surprise to tell me and that I'll love it, but she hasn't "gotten it" yet. If it has nothing to do with the actual wedding planning process, then??? what could it be???

{the lovely ruffles above from apartment34}

bits 'n pieces

{here}

{here}

hint

check boxes

Just a little hint at how behind I really am. But please allow me my small glorious check boxes, as I mark them.

• Marriage Licence - check! - whatever happens now, we can officially get married.
• Shoes - check. not orange, but really hot! they will help me bridge the gap between my navy dress and my man's black suit, and the fish scale heel has a pale pink tone which matches a certain element of my dress.
• schedule pedicure - check. (not that I need one, see shoes but) my aunt scheduled a day of pedi pampering for my mom and my aunt and I a week before.
• schedule makeup & manicure - check. I shelled out for day of makeup for two reasons - one) problem skin and two) because I can spend $300 on makeup or $150 for someone to just do it for me and save me the headache. (note: although I choke a little on that $150, it includes a consultation and dry run.)
• hair cut & color - scheduled on the same day as the boy's cut, I figure I can "do" my own hair on the day-of, it's a bob, it's not that complicated.
• ceremony music - check. our accordianist will be playing "la valse d'amelie" as I walk down the aisle - what will she play on the way out? to be determined, but at that point, who cares?
• bachelorette party - check! thanks for the much needed fun ladies! (and that is all I will say about that.)

not done:

• the dress - I have not given up. It is coming along. It is the dress that I will wear. Last night I had a design break through and I estimate no more than another six-ish hours of mostly hand-tacking. who knows, it could take less time...
• call the dahlia dealer/florist to discuss boutennieres and corsages. (sometimes I just have total panic when it comes to certain kinds of phone calls.)
• bud vases in which to deposit the flowers - half check. I have 24, but I'll need more.
• menu confirmed - emailed and I left a message for the venue to call me back. and
• schedule rehearsal - same as above.
• buy wine - question: how many bottles of red and white wine should I buy for 100 people, excluding but with consideration for four cases of champagne and a keg? (we are opting out of the hard liquor).
• banquet permit - for the liquor - the boy is in charge of this one. it involves going to the liquor store which shouldn't be a problem for him.
• meet with the photographer to discuss shots, timeline, the darkness, although she is confirmed
• music - I have largely depended on the boy for this one, and like many things, I should have pressed harder, but at least this one will be fun.
• book hotel for wedding night
• book transportation for wedding night
• day of timeline - what exactly am I supposed to do here???

What am I missing?

ps. can I have a massage?

normally

I don't go for strapless and you know I don't go for white, but I do love a dropped waist.

{jenny yoo on style me pretty}